Oh guacamole, you delicious and delectable condiment, how I love you. I love you like a romance novel loves a happily ever after. Like a clown loves a banana peel. Like Pee Wee Herman loves his beloved red bike. I would battle the stars for you guacamole.
Why do I adore you guacamole? I love you because you are an astonishing edible creation. There are so many fabulous aspects of you that it is difficult to choose just one reason.
I love you because you’re diverse and multifaceted. You are the perfect compliment to so many different food items. You make my sandwich spicy and add zest to my soup. My taquitos beg and plead to be dipped in you. You turn plain tortilla chips into the party of the year. I can spread you on hamburgers and burritos and you even make vegetables part of my routine.
You’re so unpredictable guacamole. Sometimes you are chunky, sometimes creamy, sometimes you are mild, sometimes spicy. I like it best when the waiter whips you up tableside at the restaurant. Depending on my mood, your contents are up to me. I can pick and choose your ingredients and build a creation for whatever my palate desires.
But the best reason I love you is because you are made from avocados, possibly the best fruit on earth. When I devour you I can pretend that I am eating healthy, since everyone knows that avocados contain good fat. The avocados cancel out all the other unhealthy food I have consumed and erase all my guilt. It doesn’t matter if I eat the equivalent of four avocados and two bags of tortilla chips in one sitting because I have that creamy avocado goodness racing through my veins, attacking like a ninja to fight off fat and bad cholesterol. Plus, you are all natural, made from avocados, tomatoes, onions, and garlic. There are no artificial flavors or byproducts in my guacamole. How can something that contains all these delicious and healthy foods be bad for me?
Guacamole, sometimes I look at you, sitting so serenely there on the table and I wonder who invented you? Where did you come from? And I just want to give whoever made you a big avocado kiss and hug for making something so amazing. This is why I love guacamole.